hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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