My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
