Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
