What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
