Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How does it feel to date your dad?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
