Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
