can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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