don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
