I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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