I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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