a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize