Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
