Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize