took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
