My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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