i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
