walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
