please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry about my life...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
