I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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