omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
