Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
