If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
