We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
