I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
