dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My liver just had a heart attack.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
