I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
