I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
