Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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