I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
