so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
