Your dad touched me again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
