Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
