I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
