Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize