I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
