help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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