I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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