If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
