gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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