His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
