I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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