You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
