i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
