This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
