somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
