Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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