I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
