"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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