4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
