How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
