I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
