I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
