Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
