I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
