I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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