3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
