My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We're too hungover to prance.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
