We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
