I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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