JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My penis needs a shock collar
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
