The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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