I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
