He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They took my balls.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
