i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
