Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
