I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
