My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
