Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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