wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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