4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm too high and old for this...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
