you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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