Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
