jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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