I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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