): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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