Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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