i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
