Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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