Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
