I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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